What to expect when reading bi-polar wife

Thoughts and feelings of living with bi-polar as a wife, mother, and person in the world.

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

New year

My Facebook feed reads like a daft punk song - fitter, stronger, thinner, faster.... (Daft punk - harder better faster. Catch it on YouTube...insert your own new year resolutions!). Don't know about you lot, but I am glad the festive madness is over. It truly feels like everyone turns into Buddy from "Elf" and the world has gone syrup and sprinkles mad. And why make a resolution on just one day out of the available 365? Nothing like a bit of pressure.  If you want to change do it when you feel it's right. Don't wait for ever and then accidentally cock it up on day 2 of the new year because it was a bank holiday and your days are all wrong and the gym was shut! Do it on April 25th. It's quite nice, spring is arriving and noone is paying attention to your "New you" agenda.  Or shockingly, don't do it at all!

I often feel like I have lost my footing at Christmas as you spend the whole time eating at odd times, walking about a lot, and generally not knowing what day of the week it is. For me too this year, we visited at least four places and I slept in strange beds and spent quite a bit of time in traffic jams on the motorway.  I like watching everyone sporting their new threads, cycling about on new bikes and having a spring in their step. It's like the pressure knob has been released, they've all opened their gifts and we can all relax.

So here I am. I have been delivered safely into 2017. For some I assume it's an anti climax. Nothing is actually happening other than the dross of normal life. Banality reigns supreme. For me it is manna from heaven. Lovely boring routine, no drama and a little bit of baking and/or cleaning. I am SO rock 'n' roll. I have 2 courses to do at recovery college which I am looking forward to. Anxiety management and comedy in recovery. I'm hoping I don't slip up and make too many jokes about being at the end of my rope or depression being the death of me! It's a very fine line. I suppose really I am just hoping for wellness this year. I had a discussion with my sister-in-law about success, and explained that for me being emotionally available and engaged in the land of the living for me was enough. That for me is success. For others it's about the job promotion, completing a course or reducing the size of their back end. We are all different. I would just love to feel OK for a long period of time and not feel dread, fear and panic on a moment by moment basis. Enjoying the moment, feeling lifted in spirit and free.

I am also going to keep focusing on my spiritual growth.This past year has been quite revealing and my God antenna has been buzzing all over the place. My Church family have been amazing in helping me navigate the path. It was lovely to talk to my mum too about this over Christmas. I am from a long line of mystical people, or people who are a bit odd, and although my Christian journey has veered quite dramatically away from the family party line, she still completely gets the whole reverence and sacredness of the spiritual life, and taking it seriously and practising with great care. She's wise. Earth bound people just think you're a frigging nutter.

So lead on people, lets put one foot in front of the other, and see where experience takes us.

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